cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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