evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
