Duck Duck Cougar?
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
