I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
