he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
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