Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I think I died a long time ago.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
