i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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