I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
