Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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