I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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