Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Is it because I queefed?
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Randomize