i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.�
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
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