i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
