RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
