i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
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