Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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