Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Randomize
