I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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