I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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