Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
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