I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
