Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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