you traded sex for a burrito?
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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