Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
