Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
he was CRYING into my vagina
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize