Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
She needs sedatives and a leash
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Randomize