So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Randomize
