i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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