Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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