she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
