I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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