Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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