his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
