they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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