My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
We need to get me chipped asap
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
