my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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