I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
