Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize