What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
