24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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