saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
