Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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