I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
