My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
