I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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