i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
