They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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