I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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