that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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