I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
