is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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