why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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