Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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