How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
