Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
