Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
