my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
