I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
