now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
you didnt know i had herpes?
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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