tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
