It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
