So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
