I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
