I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
