You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Randomize
